Married couples sometimes find their sex life is spiraling down toward a smoldering ending. Many couples attribute this to either bedroom boredom or sexual incompatibility.
A waning sex life is more likely caused by misunderstanding and a difference in sexual arousal.
A woman who invests some time in seeing a sex therapist will often find the experience enlightening. They often find that they are confusing a lack of arousal for an absence of arousal. Most women think about sex and they do want to participate, but for whatever reason they just can’t get excited enough to come in the neighborhood of an orgasm.
This lack of arousal happens in many bedrooms. A lot of men reach arousal much quicker than their spouses. They often assume that their partner gets to that point at the same speed. They take physical signs like vaginal secretions, erect nipples and clitoris as signs that she is good to go.
For women, these are only the physical signs and are not always connected with the brain’s readiness for sexual satisfaction. Some women end up faking orgasms because of this. Many women have a longer, slower arousal phase. A husband who invests some time in bringing her to the peak of pleasure will find a better sexual encounter for both of them.
The first few years of marriage and youthful exuberance typically mask this incompatibility. When the relationship is still new, women tend to spend more time fantasizing about sex before it happens. This mental arousal lets the woman achieve the same arousal point as her partner faster.
As time goes by, women spend less time thinking about sex and thus, need a little extra attention from their spouse to bring the arousal point up. Some women find that they fake both arousal and orgasm. It isn’t that the desire isn’t there, but the just aren’t feeling the level of turn on that their partner is.
Sexual issues don’t just come from the woman’s side of things. Men can have problems reaching arousal too. A woman shouldn’t take this as a sign of rejection. Sometimes a man is concentrating so hard on prolonging the session that they can actually turn themselves off.
When the mighty soldier isn’t standing tall at his post, a woman may need to take matters into her own hands. Spending a little time pleasuring her partner can help bring everything up to a more aroused standard. Both partners benefit from investing a little time and attention to each other’s sexual needs.
Both genders can be distracted by outside intrusions. Stress, physical ailments and noise are just a few of the factors that can make it hard for a partner to focus on the moment. Some intrusions can be blocked out while others may need extra attention in order to overcome.
Sexual dissatisfaction in a marriage does not always mean that the relationship is in trouble. The majority of the time, the problem stems from a lack of communication and different levels of arousal. Couples can take heart because desire is not dead; arousal just needs a little push to bring it up to speed.
