My husband of 30 years has become impotent. Viagra did nothing but give him a headache but we tried cunnilingus for the first time recently and liked It, however’ worry that he gets no pleasure from it. With the kids gone I feel more sexual, but all he wants is a cuddle ?
I assume that your husband is still exploring treatment options but, if he isn’t, he ought to make an appointment to see his GP as soon as possible. Alternatively, he could visit a GUM clinic (for genitourinary medicine) which has a sex therapy unit attached.
There are about 2.3 million men in the UK suffering from erectile dysfunction and any disorder illness which affects that many people attracts a lot of pharmaceutical investment, so new products to treat erectile dysfunction appear on the market all the time.
Viagra may have given your husband a headache, but what about Cialis, Levitra, Vprima or Muse? In the majority of cases, erectile dysfunction is caused by illness but several of these treatments are suitable for men with diabetes or heart disease, so all is not lost for him.
But what about you? You’ve been married for 30 years and you have only just tried cunnilingus. Hmm. No one could accuse you of being too assertive, could they? Ten thousand nights in bed with your husband and he has gone down on you … once?
Assuming that fellatio hasn’t been off the menu, or penetration, I can’t understand why you’ve never just pushed his head between your thighs and told him to get on with it. But guess your fear that he might not enjoy it much goes back a long way.
Eliminating such a significant source of sexual pleasure from your love life has to involve a degree of complicity between both partners. You may have sensed a certain hesitation in the past and your instinct was probably right. Lots of men and women seem to be intimidated by giving and receiving oral sex.
Suffice to say that most reasons for avoiding it can be overcome by a nice hot bath and a couple of glasses of chardonnay. And it is worth overcoming them because although cunnilingus is a bit of a mouthful to pronounce, it is consistently voted the ‘most satisfying sex act’ by women around the world.
In a recent survey by NetDoctor, an independent health website, 51 per cent of women in the UK voted it their outright favorite form of sex. That figure would probably be higher if the 40 per cent of women who said they weren’t getting enough got a bit more.
A1though sex is portrayed in the media as some sort of enormous sensual smorgasbord, for most people 1,000 ways to orgasm’ generally boils down to a meat-and-two-veg combination of manual, oral and penetrative. But even within the confines of this fairly limited menu, politeness, reticence and fear can make people compromise their sexual diet even further, mainly because they are too shy to tell their partner that they would like to try something different. How weird is that?
If a couple are intimate enough to get naked, have sex, have kids even, it beats me how they can be too embarrassed to tell each other what kind of sex they enjoy. But it happens all the time.
Your husband would obviously prefer to have an erection but; if you explain to him how much you like cunnilingus; as a sensible man suffering from impotence, he will consider the fact that he can still bring you to orgasm orally to be a pretty good consolation prize.
In your current situation, cunnilingus offers you a whole new and exciting form of sexual pleasure, while simultaneously alleviating him from any pressure to perform penetratingly. That’s good for you. And good for him. So stop worrying and make the most of it.
